Ask Nina
WHY DID MY HUSBAND MARRY ME?
I have 3 years married to a wonderful man who works hard to provide for his family.
My husband invited his sister to live with us and since she has moved in, things changed.
There have been some problems and I don't know what to do.
First, they were going and staying out until late at night. I start worrying and followed them to see what he was doing out so late. I thought that his sister might be covering up for him, claiming that she was with him.
Instead what I discovered shocked and changed my life, I thought I saw my husband kissing his sister, I thought maybe I had been too sleepy or drank too much; alcohol keeps me up instead of putting me to sleep.
I went home to calm down and then I contacted a private investigator; PI; to follow them and snoop about. I played like nothing was going on for 1 week until the PI got back to me.
Night after night I noticed that they went out and came back late every night. It was killing me inside. When I would be home, I would keep my conversation with his sister as short as possible, I didn’t want to gave them any signal that I was on to either of them. I claimed it was just that time of the month.
The Private Investigator got back to me and told me to sit down he had some important things to explain to me. He also had an attorney on call as a retainer in case I wanted to use his service of recommendation.
He had me take a simple eye exam in his office, I thought it was weird, then he exclaimed that my husband was romantically involved with someone else and told me I did not see things that night.
I couldn’t believe it because I helped him so much, even getting his citizenship.
The PI told me to calm down and poured me a glass of whisky and told me that, that was not all. I drank the whisky and then he pour me 2 more shots, then told me that the person who my husband was involved with was his sister.
I knew I saw what I saw, when I saw them kissing that night!
Then the PI poured me 2 more shots and showed me photos of them kissing. I vomited!
Then the PI told me there was more. I was preparing myself that he was just a hidden womanizer, I knew he was too perfect and too attentive, too good to be true.
The PI then told me that the woman is not really his sister, he had gotten DNA samples from the both of them and paid the hotel maid for the bed sheets that was in their hotel room one night.
He then offered me the bottle of 7 year Irish whisky and said it was mines, he had billed me for it already. I was devastated, but I put my strong woman face on to weather the storm.
The PI told me that they were not even closely related, the woman who claimed to be his sister, The PI told me that, that person was registered and born in Cuba, I did not understand because my husband was Venezuelan.
Then the PI told me to drink the rest of the bottle, and ask me if I had any firearms on me or at the home. I told him I had a safety arm; but it was at home locked away.
The PI told me that in fact the DNA analysis from the bed sheet fluids came back very interesting, it had a 2 x-chromosome and 2 y-chromosomes. I was infuriated because my husband was practicing risking sex and I didn't know for how long was he doing this, because I was sure that the woman he claimed was his sister was not the first woman he did this with.
The PI then repeated to me that the results came back that there were 2 x-chromosomes and 2 y-chromosome. I told the PI I understood, and I got up to leave and he told me to sit down for minute and he started a little video on genetics, I told the PI I did not have any time for learning genetics I know that a woman has 2 x chromosomes and a man ha 2 y-chromosomes..
The PI, then explained to me that a man has 1 x-chromosome and 1 y-chromosome and a woman has 2 x-chromosomes and no y-chromosome. I said I understood, but in reality I didn’t.
The PI sat me down and told me, that the person that my husband was cheating on me with; was not his sister and was not a woman but instead a transgender man who looked like a woman.
The PI told me that I fainted and then he had the police escort me home and I packed some of my stuff in a suitcase and I was on the next flight to Netherlands and I requested that my home be closed, the good point about having everything in my name, including the business. I never thought it would happen to me!
I have been gone for 6 months and 6 days exact to date. I still love him, I married him for good and bad, since valentine's day is coming, I am thinking to forgive him, but I am not sure, I am confused!
Is my husband gay?
what should I do?
Kindly,
Valentines lady
Dear Valentines lady, I empathize with your situation and I am sure the entire Ask Nina Community do as well. You have our support!
I recommend that you sit down and talk with your husband! Do not judge him, because if you had once loved him and want what's best for him; ask him all the questions you want answered, because he is the only one who can tell you how he really feels inside. He can tell you if he is gay, straight or bisexual!
In Ephesians 4:32 (New King James Version, "NKJV")
"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you".
Remember sometimes the best revenge is kindness!
If you decide to stay with him, please talk with him, and you both need to attend counseling. Also; if you do give your husband another chance, 100% try to give him a chance to prove himself and rebuild your trust in him again.
I will advise you to also do a complete health check-up for the next 3 years, bi-annually; in order to jump ahead of any situation; if your husband might have infected you with something. Your health should be your first concern, physical, medical, emotional, psychological, economical and financial!
Most importantly, remember that your husband; being or not being gay is not the reason that you have problems! He cheated on you, lied and deceived you in the most deceptive manner, and that should not be accepted, tolerated nor permitted, you are a woman of worth and value, cherish yourself with that much respect!
I feel very appreciative and glad that you took the time and had the courage to write to me at Ask Nina with your letter seeking advice. That says that your heart has forgiveness available for him.
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About Ask Nina
"Ask Nina" is an advice column founded, created and operated by Josefina Josepha under the pen name of "Nina". The advice column is managed by JJosepha News. The advice column’s mission is to impart compassionate, sound advice and incorporating expert advice sought from authorities, while delivering a layman’s approach with the straightforward style of a good friend. Have a question, need an answer, Ask Nina!
DISCLAIMER: The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. The use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This column, its author, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.
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