ASK NINA: A. MOTHER'S LOVE!
By: JJosepha News
Twitter.com/JJosephaNews
[This was translate from French]:
I have a daughter that is now 15 years old.
I am a young single parent mother.
I am christian for 3 years now.
It is very difficult to be a young mother and I am trying to do my best everyday.
I saw my daughter have friends that use drugs and that was the starting point of more arguments between me and my daughter. We normally argue because she is very rebellious. She told me when we were arguing that she is gay, I am very preoccupied for this situation about her sexual orientation and I am afraid that my daughter can catch AIDS. Also, I am not gay nor is her father!
Please, help me understand how I can discuss this with my daughter in an effective way!.
Sincerely;
Ms. A. Mother’s Love!
Dear Ms. A. Mother’s Love;
Thank you very much for your question and sharing it with us here at JJosephaNews on “Ask Nina”. I am deeply humbled and honored by your question and hoped that I have translated it correctly from french into english, if I haven’t please excuse me and do not hesitate to leave me a Note in the comment section please in either english or French; whichever you may feel comfortable with!
Puberty can be a challenging time for a young girl and especially a stressful time for her parents and even more so when it is a single parent mother raising a child on her own, but this can be the make or break period in parenthood, as the primordial cliche that, after the rainy clouds has passed, the sun eventually breaks thru and lights the skies. So let me share some words of encouragement and endurement with you and for all the other mothers in a similar situation as yourself; by M. Russell Ballard; “The joy in motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times, but amid the challenges there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.” In Psalm 30:5; it says; "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."; so don't give up hope because the race is not for the swiftest or the easiest but for he who endureth till the end.
You have raised 3 important issues:
- The possible Drug Use situation ∧ Influencement.
- The Sexual Orientation ∧ Genetics.
- Transmission of HIV in Sexual Orientation.
Before we dwell into this it is important to get some grounding facts out the way-
Canadian statistics on drug and alcohol abuse:
According to the Financial Post:
- For every $5 spent on drug rehabilitation by the Canadian government, $95 is spent on incarceration of drug users”.
According to The Health Officer's Council of British Columbia:
- 60% of illicit drug users in Canada are between the ages of 15 and 24.
- 47,000 Canadian deaths are linked to substance abuse annually
- 23% of Ontario students report that they were offered, sold, or given a drug at school in the last year. That's about 219,000 students.
- 42% of Ontario students surveyed have used an illicit substance in the last year.
- 83% of Ontario students in grade 12 drink alcohol. 49% of gr. 12 students admit to binge drinking.
- The top four substances used by Ontario students: 58% alcohol; Cannabis (marijuana) 25%; Non-prescribed use of prescription pain relievers such as codeine, Percocet, Percodan, Demerol, or Tylenol #3, 17%; Tobacco 11.7%
These are some daunting statistics and give proof that you have every right to be concerned about your child. May I suggest that sit your child down and have a relaxing conversation and try hard to resist the temptation of parent child and listen to your daughter. Therefore, giving her the chance to voice her concerns, feelings and expressions free from any repercussions and with your utmost respect should be more beneficial in this approach than vice. Many times children say things to cause more hurt because they themselves feel hurt.
Respect is a 2 way street in the progress of advancement and bettering any relationship.
When you have listened respectively and paid note to her concern, remember the statics and don’t be afraid to be the bad parent, in the bible; in Proverbs 13:24 (New International Version);
“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” When it comes to drugs and alcohol; taking a tough and strong stand can help your child say No to drugs, that’s according to The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence Inc. Recent research has found that 2 out of 3 kids ages 13-17 say that losing their parents' respect is one of the main reasons they don't drink alcohol, smoke marijuana or use other drugs.
Ensure that you have established clear family rules about drugs and alcohol, this is your first step and gateway to prevention. Consistent and persistent enforcement of your rules, with consequences, if needed is essential, because without consequences the rules have no value and become dysfunctional and useless. In Proverbs 22:6, it says;“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
This brings us to the point that some parents sometimes say in rebuttal; “Do as I say, not as I do!”
Be a Role Model and Set a Positive Example; From a child's view, what you do is more important than what you say! Research studies have shown that parents who drink alcohol or use drugs; are more likely to have kids who drink or use. So; If you drink alcohol, do so in moderation; if you use medication, use only as directed, and do not use illegal drugs. If you host a party, try to always serve alternative non-alcoholic beverages, and do not let anyone drink and drive!
Be a Role Model and Set a Positive Example; From a child's view, what you do is more important than what you say! Research studies have shown that parents who drink alcohol or use drugs; are more likely to have kids who drink or use. So; If you drink alcohol, do so in moderation; if you use medication, use only as directed, and do not use illegal drugs. If you host a party, try to always serve alternative non-alcoholic beverages, and do not let anyone drink and drive!
Very important: Keep Track of Alcohol and Prescription Drugs; because for children, the most common source of alcohol and prescription drugs is their parents medicine cabinet. Make sure that your home is not a source of alcohol or prescription drugs for your kids or their friends!
Finally; Let me congratulate you for having a keen eye in whom your child hangs out with, but may I suggest the age old philosophy of "keep your friends close and your enemies even closer", so try to encourage child to invite friends over to the house and make them feel welcome and that's where you can rest your suspicions as fact or fiction. May I also suggest that you try to get to know your daughter's friends parents as well, having more chef in the "kitchen" in this scenario can bake a better "parenting pie" and healthy childhood for your daughter.
As a parent you can help your daughter from becoming addicted to drugs and alcohol and I want to commend you for being proactive and taking the initiative on your suspicions, but I may suggest to make an appointment with a family ∧ child psychiatrist for professional help if there is no change in your daughters immediate behavior.
In reference to your concern about genetics and sexual orientation, experts have said that this issue can be a complicated, because it can actually be hormonal, psychological or environmental. Furthermore some years ago there was a research on goats that resulted in the possibility of homosexuality having some genetic affiliations and hence the use of hormones whilst in utero could produce desirable result of hetrosexuality in the goats. However that research was halted by Pro LGBT groups.
To help you understand the mode of transmission as it relates to sexual orientation I have made the following Table, I hope it helps so please see Table 1.0 below.
Thank you again, and I wish you all the best and God’s speed in you understanding situations more clearly about your daughter and improving your relationship with your daughter and let me say you are doing a great job at it in being observant and seeking solutions. I wish you a very merry Happy Mother’s day to come and I look forward to hearing from you again on the progress of your mother-daughter relationship!
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About Ask Nina
"Ask Nina" is an advice column founded, created and operated by Josefina Josepha under the pen name of "Nina". The advice column is managed by JJosepha News. The advice column’s mission is to impart compassionate, sound advice and incorporating expert advice sought from authorities, while delivering a layman’s approach with the straightforward style of a good friend. Have a question, need an answer, Ask Nina!
DISCLAIMER: The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. The use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This column, its author, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.
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